Relationship help

There are great riches to be had re-romancing, fine tuning and ‘up-grading’ the quality of the various aspects of your relationship.  From how you talk to each other, to how tender and complete your intimate moments are.  From re-discovering the fun you bring into each others lives, to the discovery of new mutual interests. From the ‘presence and depth’ you offer, when you look into your partner’s eyes, to the ability to be silly and child-like together and take mutual delight in ‘trivia’.

There doesn’t need to be a crisis for relationship counselling to achieve great things for you both.  There is also not much ‘down-side risk’  to attending couple’s counselling.  If you were to lose anything, it might be some pride and the familiar ground of relationship strain.  These you can well do without, in my humble opinion.

A cornerstone of relationship recovery and development is a commitment to ‘acknowledgement of what your partner is saying/feeling’ whatever the discomfort rumbling around inside you whilst you listen.  Developing  both the resolve and the skills to hear your partner out, and then acknowledge what has been said, will greatly assist a growing sense of togetherness and safety, even as outstanding issues remain.

Another core aspect of relationship repair, in my opinion, is being helped to find the clarity and courage to say how you feel and what you want in an assertive (not passive or aggressive) way.

Still another foundation element to successful partnerships is learning how to set clear boundaries with your partner, without being critical, blaming, rejecting or frosty.  This means for example,  being clear when your are or aren’t available to connect. Or, for example, saying clearly when you feel disrespected, ignored or discounted in a way they can hear you without misunderstanding.

Finally, my style of  couples counselling includes a review of how well you are ‘looking after yourself’  by taking responsibility for a balanced lifestyle.  Because individuals out of balance cannot contribute meaningfully to a long term tender and mutually supportive context of committed relationship. Sometimes there are ‘age and stage’ life issues that an individual needs help to look at and address. Sometimes an individual needs assistance to cut out mind numbing habits or be confronted about hurtful and disrespectful ways of behaving with their partner or around thei partner. These aspects often mask deeper personal issues that would do well to be ‘dug out by the roots’.

Counselling then, finally assists with supporting commitments from both parties to self-care and self-development.  I would say it’s mostly true that, “A couple that grows together, stays together”.

Virtually all relationships can be helped in some way by a skilled and experienced counsellor.  Even if the help is clarity and support to achieve minimum pain and conflict in the process of separation.